So, I have chronic fatigue syndrome (cfs).
That is the simple way of explaining why I haven't posted in awhile and why things such as making and baking are now slower more laboured projects, despite the simplicity of these projects. Even crocheting in front of the tv is a challenge at times and so things are definitely on the go slow.
I'll spend some more time in later posts sharing my story but I wanted to venture into chatting about how fakin' it really doesn't cut it. Not only has the world of cfs slowed me right down, it has also stripped back my exterior and the things I valued that I thought defined who I am...
All the things I was comfortable in, that I had presumed had made me who I was, the things I prided myself on (the fake me??) My health, my fitness, my career, my social life, my house, my wealth, my family, my friends, my interests and my relationships. My, my, my, my. All the things that I thought, even without realising, made me me.
All changed. All stripped away. I can no longer be fakin' it and hiding behind those areas. I am here, standing (or mainly sitting), needing to be real.
Yet, through this, God has me in his hands. He holds me. He guides me. He leads me through the constant fatigue, the loneliness, the nausea and the pain. He sustains me on a long day. He protects me as I drive. He fills me with peace about His plans for my life in Him. I am learning to find my joy in Him. A real true and deep joy. A joy that I didn't know existed.
The next little while, I want to spend some time exploring that joy and sharing my thankfulness story. Sharing the blessings amongst the ups and the downs. There are so many... I am abundantly blessed.
