November 09, 2014

So it is Sunday night and I am home...alone.

This is not unusual to be home on a Sunday night, I quite like the chance to get mentally ready for the week and to be in the space where heading back to work tomorrow isn't too bad a thought.
However, I shouldn't be home tonight. I should be out. I had something on that I was looking forward to being at. But the thought of not getting to bed till after 10pm, just made me even more nauseous than I was already feeling.

So here I am feeling sorry for myself, with a cup of peppermint tea and a handful of Reece's Pieces. (Which by the way, now contain milk as their final ingredient...I'm sure the ones I had eaten in the past had been dairy free...anyway, I digress!) It is strange, that I am feeling this way, as I have just had an awesome conversation with my flat mates about decision making, trusting God and how we can look back in our lives and be blown away by seeing how he has worked through our circumstances. Or is it? Am I truly trusting God through the days like today when my arms feel like lead weights and the nausea is at its worst when I am lying down? Or am I just in a 'woe to me' frame of mind?

I was reminded to delve back into my favourite book I have read on suffering so far. Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. This book has spoken to me in so many ways, and has helped me categorise what has been going on in my head and in my life. It has helped me look to the cross and to God's promises as sustenance. 

Our first priority in times of adversity is to honour and glorify God by trusting Him. We tend to make our first priority the gaining of relief from our feelings of heartache or disappointment or frustration. This is a natural desire, and God has promised to give us grace sufficient for our trials and peace for our anxieties.....We honour God by choosing to trust Him when we don't understand what He is doing or why He has allowed some adverse circumstance to occur. (Bridges, Trusting God, p52)

He has me. He holds me. And I trust Him in that.

Yes, the disappointment is there that life isn't going my way. Or that time and time again the symptoms make normal life impossible.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

He has me. He holds me. And I trust Him in that.

I am always reminded by how big and mighty our creator is as I look out over the wonderful things he has made.

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  1. Trusting God has been the rock foundation of my life and is almost second nature. However thanking God in ALL circumstances requires real self discipline for me. I wish I could say that it came naturally, but I work at it and one day with God's blessing I will be just as thankful as I am trusting. Hang in there!



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